Spying on your spouse: Should you do it?

spy

It has become rather common for people to spy on their spouses, almost as common as them cheating on their spouses.

Trust seems to be in short supply.

The market is awash with spying tools. Spying apps for your smartphones, online activity tracking software, GPS trackers, etc. – all to help you spy on your partner’s emails, text messages, phone record lists, find hidden passwords, follow their chat conversations, find deleted chat history, and track their whereabouts.

Some people go to the extent of installing hidden CCTV cameras within their homes to keep tabs on their spouse while they are gone. Hiring detectives is also not uncommon.

But what is this unhealthy obsession our society has with spying? Governments are spying on their citizens, employers are spying on their employees, parents are spying on their children, and men are spying on their wives (or wives on husbands, same thing!).

There’s also a lot of detailed “advice” on the Internet on how to spy on your spouse, and many articles encouraging you to do so in impressive detail. But the million dollar question is, just because everybody else seems to be doing it, should you do it, too?

A good answer would be: “It depends.”By and large though, spying on your spouse is not recommended. Without getting all ethical and righteous, we would like to point out a few reasons why it may not be a greatidea for you to spy on your romantic partner.

You are violating your spouse’s right to privacy

In your zeal to get to the bottom of the truth, you may forget that your partner is legally entitled to some amount of basic privacy. Encroaching on someone’s personal space as spying entails is distasteful and may come close to breaching the laws in your state (especially if you are going to install hidden surveillance cameras to do your spying).

Would you like it if someone was to subject you to the same?

Remember, spying is also a breach of trust, same as infidelity.

When in doubt, just ask

None of us likes to be taken for a ride. Hell is trusting someone and then finding out they have been fooling us all this while. Unfortunately, cheating is pretty commonplace, and even if it wasn’t it’s naturalto have our doubts about our partner every now and then.

But try to understand that by indulging in spying on your spouse you are only further widening the trust deficit in your relationship.

Unless your aim is to gather evidence to strengthen your divorce case in court, address your concerns in a straightforward fashion.

Spying does not bring peace of mind

So you have purchased the best spying software you could find, have a GPS tracker in place, and have installed hidden cameras in your house. What exactly do you expect to find out?

If you do find something, it may well be the end of your relationship depending on how forgiving you are.So be ready for it.

But even if you don’t find anything, your strong suspicions are now a part of who you are. They will likely always be with you. You will never be able to trust your partner again. You will keep wondering, “Well, maybe I missed something?” Whatever triggered your suspicion in the first place may do so again.

Not to mention, just because your partner hasn’t cheated on you yet, does not mean they won’t in the future.Or they may simply be brilliant at covering their tracks. For how long will you keep spying? Will you make it a way of life? For how long do you think you’d be able to resist checking his mobile phone when he dozes off in the night?

For the sake of your sanity, this is a road best avoided.

But, what about the truth?

Indeed, what about it?

If you are convinced the other person is cheating on you, you won’t believe otherwise (not for long, anyway) even if they were to assure you they aren’t.

If they are indeed innocent, they might get deeply offended at being suspected of cheating and stop trusting you altogether.

In any case, the truth isn’t so much whether your partner is cheating on you or not. The overriding truth now is that the glue of your relationship is gone.

There is good news and bad news

The bad news is that once you suspect your partner of cheating on you, and are near convinced they are doing so, your relationship is as good as over.This is regardless of whether your partner is actually cheating on you or not. The relationship may formally continue but it is dead in its essence. You know you don’t trust your partner, and trust once gone is rarely restored.

But the good news is that relationships are not the be-all and end-all of life. They are just one part of our rather multi-faceted existence, and we can always forge a new relationship if the old one falls by the wayside.

When is spying OK?

Having said the above, there may be mitigating circumstances involved, which may make spying ok. For instance, if you have long been a victim of marital abuse, or have spotted disturbing patterns for some time now.

If your instincts are very strong,you shouldpay attention to them, especially if you are not otherwise a suspicious or jealous person. If your suspicions continue to remain strong despite having confronted your partner (and met with denial), spying may be the only way to bring about a resolution. While checking someone’s computer or text messages behind their back is unethical, it may be the need of the hour. Make sure you don’t do anything illegal though.

If it turns out you were right, at least you’d be able to rest assured you hadn’t been crazy all this while. But be prepared to accept that regardless of what you find, the trust between the two of you is gone and may never come back.

About Brian Zeng

Brian Zeng is the Marketing adviser in Chief of CCTVHotDeals.com, I'm Writer, idea guy, difference-maker. I help people tell better stories and make a difference in the world.